college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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