I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
