So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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