Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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