giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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