I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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