She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
