its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
