we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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