So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm at about main and main street
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
