Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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