they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
