Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
