OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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