I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i wish my penis had a tongue
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
