they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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