I think i sorta joined a cult last night
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
