theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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