Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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