we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
