Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Holy shit dude........stairs
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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