It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
