THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
