I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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