ya dads aren't the best wingmen
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
