I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
