haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
