i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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