my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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