So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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