im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
