your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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