Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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