im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
