He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
