My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
