Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
