I wannas sexs uuuuu
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
