Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
