I can't watch pbs sober anymore
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
