My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
