**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
