i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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