His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
