it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Never underestimate the power of titties
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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