dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
