I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
