I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
