Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
