The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
not ubering you a puppy
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
